How To Make A Big Decision

How To Make Big Decisions:

Big decisions are a pain. It can be choosing between going travelling or working, which career path to go down, if the partner you are with is right for you. Whatever it is, we all have these decisions that seem excruciatingly hard to choose. They can take months, years, countless hours of worrying and getting yourself in a anxious state to decide. Sometimes all it takes is a big sign to force you to pick an option, or, that sign never comes and you have to decide based on what you think is best.

I struggle with this, there are big decisions I still haven’t made because I just don’t know what I should do. I am scared of regret, scared of any pain that comes with it, scared of making the wrong choice. Whilst I am obviously no expert, I do have a couple of ideas I keep in mind when trying to decide and I can tell you that some of the big decisions I have made have been eased by the following:

Prioritise happiness: 

It’s a simple thought and one that we often overlook. You might look at this and think “well that’s obvious and not very helpful” but let me break it down for you. You can be rich, you can have the perfect job, the perfect partner, the perfect life, but if none of those make you truly happy then you have to question if they are perfect for you. Out of the decisions you have to make, which will truly bring you more happiness? Which will you genuinely wake up in the morning one day and think “I am so happy I chose this”. I am sure some of you are thinking “I have no idea” and that is completely fine. It is so difficult to know which decision will make you happy, which decision will you not regret. 

What I try to remember is that if I make a decision, even if it turns out to not be as good as I thought, I don’t believe I’ll regret it as long as I made the choice based on what I thought would make me happiest. You can’t know the future, it’s silly to think that everything will work out the way you think it will, but knowing that you made the choice with all the right feelings and thoughts at the time, will make the choice so much less stressful.

Becoming comfortable with the unknown:

A lot of the time, we are petrified of the unknown that comes with making a choice. Will it work out? Will it be as good as I think it is? Will I be happy? It is the thought of not knowing what happens next that can bring us excitement but also immense stress and pressure. This is the main issue for one of the choices I am trying to make. If I choose a certain outcome, I will have know idea how I will react, feel, think and I will be plunged into a complete unknown for me. I am trying to become more comfortable with the unknown but sometimes you just need to take the leap and deal with whatever comes. 

I saw a post on Instagram that had a section from a book. The section stated "It's hard to be overweight, it's hard to be fit. Choose your hard. It's hard to have a 9-5, it's hard to run your own business. Choose your hard. It's hard to make a big decision, it's hard to not make one. Choose your hard." So, the first two were in the extract, the last example was one of my own creation to relate to this blog haha. Point is, life is hard. Whatever you choose will be hard. What you do have control over is which hard you want to experience.

Get outside opinions:

Unless it’s a sensitive choice, it is never a bad idea to share your challenge with others. An outside perspective can really highlight what the pros and cons of each decision are. Whether it’s your partner, parents, friends, asking someone might really help you focus on what is important to you. Through speaking with others we can get an opinion other than our own. We can get a birds eye view of a situation and we can get a more neutral view of what we should do. Whilst it might be equally difficult to open up to someone about your choice, I doubt you will regret it, unless you choose to tell someone that you know won’t be very helpful. 

A good example of this is, I almost gave up on the apprenticeship route. I had a decent job, with what I thought had a good path of progression. I got the idea of an apprenticeship out of my head until I started to dislike my job. Doing the same thing day in and day out grew to have a toll on me. It was only when I asked my dad for his opinion that he helped me realise that maybe getting an apprenticeship was the best option. I didn't want to continue in my job, I didn't want to go off to uni and I didn't want to get a full time job elsewhere as I didn't know what I wanted to do. He helped me understand that the apprenticeship route was maybe the best choice as it allowed me to get a degree for free and experience many different parts in a business that I wouldn't be able to do elsewhere.

Trust the process: 

You will get to where you need to go. Just because you can’t see it now it doesn’t mean you aren’t heading in the right direction. Life is so complicated, all the twists and turns life throws makes it impossible to always see if you are going in the right direction. Sometimes you just need to take a breath, sit back and go with the flow. As Bruce Lee said, “Be like water, my friend” and I believe that doesn’t just apply to fighting, but to life in general. If you can’t be flexible, if you can’t adapt to new places then how can you expect to be able to make sound choices? Trust that your decisions will lead you exactly where you need to go.

Be patient:

Be kind to yourself. It is hard to be patient, it is hard to make tough choices and it is hard to know where you are at times in life. Just because you don’t feel like being patient, it doesn’t mean you can’t be. Patience is “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious”. I don’t believe this means you can’t feel impatient, annoyed or anxious. Instead I think it means that as long as you don’t act on these feelings, then you are being patient! When you feel impatient to make a decision or you start to feel stressed because you haven’t seen the positives come from a choice you have made, remember to just wait and see. Go to sleep, go on a run, watch a movie. Just wait and see because you never know, the sign you need to make a decision might be right round the corner.

Challenge:

Next time you need to make a big decision, think on these 5 things. Prioritise happiness, become comfortable with the unknown, ask for help, trust the process and be patient!

You are exactly where you need to be.

If you ever need advice, please feel free to message me on Instagram and I will try my best to get back to you.

SunTide